What is the solution? During our engagement I made it crystal clear that my sex drive was high & she was the perfect woman to relieve it. But men also have 12-15 times more testosterone than women far higher sex drives and are capable of siring hundreds of times more children than women are capable of bearing. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. So I backed off of seeing this person. I NEED an active partner. Take care of yourself. If your wife is struggling with mental health concerns, anxiety, or depression that are not being handled professionally, gently encourage her to talk with someone about how shes feeling. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. Think back to the time when you were dating. I feel very blessed, because my gynecologist put me on low dose hormone therapy. */ Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. My wife never trys to turn me on or initiate sex. please After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. Im throwing my partner out the door due to his rants and anger over lack of sex. contrasts what my Wife and her 7 siblings and and an unstable Mother made her as the oldest have us take in 2 of her brothers early in our marriage. Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. Should I let him go elsewhere? Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). Married a little over 50 years! But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. I think it was William Shakespeare who pondered what an irony it was that desire usually so outlasts ability. Take care. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Have affairs and visit escorts. Take what you can, now. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. Weve been married for six years now and its been an abusive relationship in all types of way. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. .! You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. Thats crazy my husband is the one who is lacking in wanting orgasms, I still need them daily so I continue with out him, I am tired of all the good years I wasted on him waiting lol our kids are grown and gone I still love sex! So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. (function() { // REQUIRED CONFIGURATION VARIABLE: EDIT THE SHORTNAME BELOW This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. Ive tried all the normal things too. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. Do we cheat and risk hurting our wives and husbands? We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. My Wife Loves Me But Doesn't Want Sex: Why & What To Do - YourTango Wednesday, August 30, 2017 Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part? Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? I sincerely hope is wife is open to exploring options. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. I am a 64 year old woman who has lost all interest in sex. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. I grew up ramming into me that Im there for husbands sole desire. Nathan I am in exactly the same position as you. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. If 2 people really love love,then they will find ways to please each other. But did you notice that men have to make the first move? Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. My ex was 16 years younger then me. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. During the first twenty- five years of our marriage we were both church goers and sent our son to Catholic schools, but we both now feel that religion doeset always have all the answers. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. Its not always the woman who has no interest. I love it communicate, tell her how you feel. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. Im Maried for 5 years and from one year until now my wife change completely like a different person she don't let me hold her hands or touch her or kiss her and sex more than 6 months that she don't have sex with me I asked her if she don't love me anymore and she say that she love me and I asked her why she's doing you know all the . You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. Been sleeping in separate beds since surgery. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. Nothing, I mean nothing, kills a relationship, a marriage, a union, more thoroughly than complacency and boredom. Furthermore the AFIB and some remaining heart failure issues make sex not safe to engage in, even if counseling could resolve our relationship issues from the past. Advice | Ask Damon: My wife doesn't want to have sex anymore Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Thats a depressing thought too. I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. My wife and I have been in couples therapy now for about 3 years, and while it has helped our relationship a lot, nothing going on sexually. Just told her I wasnt going to follow all her B.S rule and moved out of the bedroom. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. 6. Even with all the gadgets and hired help, modern women have a lot on their plate. She was before marriage. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. And for the love of god stop watching fake porn. I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. We men are not brain dead. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. Frankly Im tired of people pushing to try Testosterone replacement again. Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. I was her first love. That was the best written, most solid commentary on this subject Ive ever read. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. That was 28 years ago. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. Susan!!! It's a horrible feeling to want sex, but not want it with your partner. I have a simple fix for all this. She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Wtf do you think he has been doing. Yeah, maybe not, eh . Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. I suggest to you what I advised Frustrated see a therapist right away. (That is very thoughtful, I do all those things because my wife is Special and I want her to be happy) I have always shared the housework and dont mean picking up my clothes yes I am defensive because women dont believe med do housework. I hear ya. First few years sex was great. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? Maybe you are the only one getting pleased and thats not fun. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. And Ive been caught too. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? Why waste your money and time on hookerd? The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. Even before this, she told me she does not want to nor have any desire for sex or intimacy with me or anyone. And really dont know what to do. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. In recent times, our sex life has begun to resemble our early 20s again, even better because contraception is in the rearview mirror. . We are both active and healthy. Though she died quickly sex was never discussed and I can assure you my marriage was a bed of rock. Nope no sex. She replied yes. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. Thank God I love to ski. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling.
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